How Assumptions May Be Killing Your Relationships
Posted: Monday, April 20, 2009
by Abigail Richards
The biggest news on the Internet this past week has been the British singing sensation Susan Boyle. Her YouTube video has received over 33 million hits since its posting.
Why has this woman's performance been such a big news story around the Internet? I think it comes down to the fact that she breaks all assumptions. If you have not viewed the video, take a moment now to do so.
We begin life as curious creatures. It has been said that kids ask 125 probing questions every day. Adults only ask six. What happens as we grow up that we stop asking questions and start making assumptions?
Every one assumed Susan Boyle would be a waste of time listening to during the show. They went based on appearance, attitude, etc. No one thought to ask about her training or who she was, they made the assumption she was not going to be good. It was the opposite that has made the video such a big attraction.
More time than not, we judge or assume things about people without ever asking. I see this all the time in my own marriage. I assume my husband is thinking one thing when he really has no clue.
During a Bible study recently, he revealed in the small group that one of the ways he chooses to show me love was to give me the "cool cup" when he made drinks at dinner table. He assumed I would notice. I had no clue there was even a "cool cup" let alone a non-cool cup.
I share this because I have noticed a decline in relationships because of built up assumptions. Just recently, an African-American woman yelled at me in the Target parking lot.
I had been going to get out of my car when the wind blew the door open. It hit her Jaguar. She immediately started freaking out and yelling at me about how I was not an honest person. I fought back and lost it replying she did not even know me. I let her get to me.
As the weeks have progressed since that instance, I have found myself looking down on women like her. I know nothing about these women I see in the store, but I find myself not smiling and for lack of a better term giving a cold shoulder.
For all I know, that woman could have been having a bad day. I was having a bad day so why should it be any different. Does it make it right? No, but she made assumptions about me just like I continue to do today about her and others that may not even have anything to do with her.
My reaction has made me sad, because I have always felt that I gave others the benefit of the doubt without judging. Now I find myself making assumptions and in turn looking down on others, shying away from and all out avoiding others.
I think we all do this. I don't think, however, it is what God designed us to do. We assume things about friends, neighbors and even strangers that we have no right to do. Instead we should take the time before judging their appearance and get to know exactly why this person was brought into our life.
I am thankful for Susan Boyle because she represents the reminder that every individual should remember. People are move then just appearances. It is what is on the inside that matters.
This Article has been viewed 224 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Well done. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story.
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